I did something last night symbolic (and slightly illegal I guess). I had the 2 teddies my ex girlfriend gave me when we were going out with me on board the ship. One in-particular (Robster) was with me when I was on the QM2.She has been across the Atlantic a few times and to Norway and some-other places. She had been a main stay in my seagoing career since June/July 2009.

I can’t look at them without getting gloomy, pissed off, angry and generally not nice to be around. So last night as I was sorting through stuff in my sea bags, out they came and the familiar feeling of dread came over me. My ex had installed a button inside her which when pressed said “I love you” in her voice. I just couldn’t bare (no pun) to be in the same room as “Robster”. So last night I made a symbolic gesture and sacrifice to the deep blue yonder. I gave Robster a burial at sea. I dropped her over the side, she landed face up and I watched her go. Seeing her face in the water was actually a pretty heart breaking thing. She had a good send off, the weather was nice, stunning sunset and the sea state must have been only 3 or 4 on the Beaufort scale.

I regretted it straight away though, but it was the right thing to do, I’ve spent too much of my life moping around after ex-girlfriends, keeping stuff of theirs just in case they come running back admitting they were wrong to do what they did. I was keeping myself available in all eventualities, for all eventualities.

Giving Robster a burial at sea was a way of me cutting myself from my ex, another little bit of her removed from my life, another part of her gone allowing me to move on a bit further. I would like to think that Robster will wash up on some beach somewhere with all the other teddy-bears that have served their purpose in life, or she will get dragged up in a fisherman’s net and become the ships mascot of who ever pulls her up.

I doubt it though as she sank on the first wave.