I’m sorry.

Over the last few mo…..well let’s face it, over the last year I’ve been somewhat of a selfish pig I suspect.

To people who were kind enough to let me into their lives, stay at theirs, meet their family, & all the other stuff that comes with being close friends.

I find it difficult being a friend sometimes. I allow distractions & the job come between me & them.

I’ve been studying for my Chiefs, then away at work, then studying again. I actually haven’t had much of a leave in nearly a year now. The last 2.5 months I have had a weekend here & there off, but most days have been taken up with studying for my Chiefs Oral exam.

My mind hasn’t really had time for much else, I’ve spoken, actively spoken to about 8 people outside of my Family in the last 6 weeks. My entire being has been consumed with passing my Chiefs. I’ve had to be selfish to do this, whether it was a conscious or subconscious effort I’m not sure.

The leave before I had opportunity to see friends close to where I was studying & didn’t. Instead I tried making friendships away from college & put my heart & soul into passing my written exams.

I’ve grown distant from people I count as my dear friends.

I never meant it to happen, & I didn’t want it to.

Maybe I spend too much time alone, so I forget there are others out there, maybe I am inadvertently selfish all the time & I’m only just noticing it.

Maybe this is just a load of self indulgent bullshit.

I’m sorry if you’ve felt like I’ve ignored you, forgotten you, left you behind, or sidelined you. Because I haven’t. I’ve been trying my best to be something, be a somebody.

& I appreciate you all, & think of you often.

I’m sorry I’m not there, but I’m thankful you’re here.